How Did It Come to This?

The car swerved and came to a halt. We both knew we had a flat tire. I got out to help change it, and when Jeffrey opened the hatchback, right there in the front was a gun. I was petrified of guns. I was raised with them, but I think I was more petrified of Jeffrey having a gun. I panicked and immediately questioned him, wanting to know what he needed it for. He told me to be quiet, and by the tone of his voice, I knew I had better not push my luck. I helped change the tire, and then we got into the car to leave. As we were driving, my mind was going crazy with terrible thoughts. My insecurity had me visualizing myself being found dead in our apartment. I would never speak out of place again, I thought. But that wouldn't work, and I knew it. Fear would overtake me eventually. He would probably threaten me with the gun but would never really use it. I was so afraid just thinking about it that I started to cry, one of those silent cries where the tears were rolling down my face. I just kept looking out the window so he wouldn't see, but he knew and asked "what's your problem?" I took a deep breath before I quietly said, "Nothing," but that answer wasn't good enough.

The harsh tone in his voice got a little louder when he stated, "I asked you, what is your problem?" I knew I had to answer, so quietly replied, "The gun is my problem." His hand quickly left the steering wheel and with such force, hit me in the nose, which promptly started to bleed. He looked at me and said, "Bitch," then stopped the car and told me to get out. I said that I was sorry, but he got out of the car and came around to my door. He already had a hold of my arm before he got the door fully opened, and within a second I was laying in the ditch.

He quickly drove off. I panicked because J.J. was still in the back of the car. He was only three months old. I chased the car down the gravel road and ran as fast as I could, tripping on the stones. But he drove so fast that it was only a matter of a minute before I couldn't see the car anymore. I looked around and remembered I was half way between Ponton and Thompson. I was forty miles either way of nothing but woods and bears. The sun was already starting to go down. I didn't worry too much about J.J. because I knew Jeffrey wouldn't hurt him. He really did love him. I started to walk and found a Kleenex in my pocket to try to stop my nose from bleeding. For a moment I thought, "Oh no, can bears smell blood?" but quickly came to my senses and remembered it was sharks that could smell blood.

Being raised a Roman Catholic, I was always a strong believer in prayer, even though I pictured God as really far away. I started to say the Lord's Prayer and Hail Mary. Anything else I had learned, I couldn't remember. As I was praying, it was like reciting from memory, and I really didn't think about the words. Finally, I asked God outright to send a police car, so they would pick me up. Could he please do it fast - as it was starting to get quite dark, and I didn't think anyone would see me on the road after dark. I didn't want to admit to God that I was always afraid of he dark - as if He didn't know. I was walking for about ten minutes when I heard a car coming behind me. When I turned, I could see the headlights but couldn't tell if it was a police car or not. By the time it got to me, I was waving as hard as I could, so they would see me. The car stopped, and the interior light went on. My heart dropped when I saw an old rusted car with four aboriginal men inside. I was raised to not be prejudiced at all, but my "knight in shining armor" who was coming to rescue me was a little different than what I had expected. They told me to get in, and in a split second, I thought of what my mother always told me about never talking to strangers. I had to wonder how she would feel if she knew I was about to get into a car with four of them. My choice was to take a chance of getting in the car and possibly getting raped or staying on the road and being eaten by the bears. I can't understand how I got to this point and how my life had become so out of control.